In memory.

30.05.1992 - 31.08.2010

Why is it that most of us take for granted everything we have in life when we know that life is too short? Anything can happen, overnight our lives can change forever. It still seems a bit surreal to me. I wasn't close to you. We barely talked though we spent our whole childhood together. I remember, play-dates on every weekend, celebrating our birthdays together (She was 5 days younger than I am), family dinners, trips etc.. And then everyone started drifting apart. And i didn't spoke to you in years. Until now, we have never spoken directly to each other. And we never will.


You had so much to offer. Everyone compared us. You had the better grades every single time. You were the bright child. You were the taller one. The more hardworking one. And i simply lose to you in almost everything. Its sad you had to go. Just 18. Life was just starting for you. Seems unfair really, but who am i to judge whats fair or not? That's life. All we do is live it and play whatever roles we were given. There is no room for regrets.


Dear cousin, you will be sadly missed by everyone who knew you. And here i am struggling with myself. I look at your facebook wall full with condolences and everyone wishing you well in heaven and messages of 'i will miss you's. I wanted to write something but i cannot think of what. How could i say 'i will miss you' ? Why didnt i take the time to get to know you again? And now its too late. You're gone. With my role in your life, i do not deserve to say that 'i will miss you' no matter how much it rings true. I could only pray for you and hope that wherever you are now, you are at peace. May God bless your soul, Winnie Chiam. I am glad to have known you.












Just a few pictures out of loads. R.I.P cousin!

Quotes

When you trip over love, you can get up. When you fall in love and you fall forever.


True love stories never have endings.

Us

It starts with ours, it ends with ours. Fullstop.

Dedicated

Secondhand Serenade - Stay close, dont go.


I'm staring at the glass in front of me,
is it half empty of our wins or have i ruined all you've given me?
I know I've been selfish,
I know I've been foolish,
but look through that
and you will see,
I'll do better, I know,
Baby, I can do better.

If you leave me tonight, I'll wake up alone,
don't tell me I will make it on my own,
don't leave me tonight,
this heart of stone will sing till it dies
if you leave me tonight.

Sometimes I stare at you while you are sleeping,
I listen to your breathing,
amazed how I somehow managed to
sweep you off your feet girl,
your perfect little feet girl
I took for granted what you do.
But I'll do better, I know
Baby, I can do better.

If you leave me tonight, I'll wake up alone,
don't tell me I will make it on my own,
don't leave me tonight,
this heart of stone will sing till it dies
if you leave me tonight.

And don't you know my heart is open, oh,
it's putting up the fight,
and I've got this feeling,
that everything's alright,
and don't you see,
I'm not the only one for you
but you're the only one for me.

If you leave me tonight I'll wake up alone,

(stay)If you leave me tonight,
(close) I'll wake up alone,
(don't)don't tell me I will
(go)make it on my own,
(stay)don't leave me tonight,
(close)this heart of stone
(don't) will sing till it dies
(go)if you leave me tonight.
Don't leave me tonight


xoxo

Pain, just pain.

One day you'll find something thats worth everything. Something to fight for, something to live for, something to want, something to need, something to love, something you cannot live without; just to kill it in the process. What would you do? What can you do? Why did you kill it?


I am willing to live with everything, with all the guilt, with all the pain that I CAUSED, everything just to be with you. Im selfish i know because i dont care what its doing to you. Suffer with me or we die trying. Because no one else can have you.

Little miss genius *coughs*

Its been a while since i turned on my brain. Too much intelligence is slowly killing me. Trying to think rationally again seems almost alien-like. I want to go back to my fairytale and never resurface.


Curse you university life.


xoxo

Quote

"Many people have told me that I've changed. That Im not me anymore. But truth is, I think I've just found myself."



Deal with it, or get lost :)


xoxo

Myspace is full of douchebags. Tsk.

5:44 PM Khairul: aslam kom boli kenal
5:48 PM Khairul: wah sobon ye wak ni ?
5:56 PM Khairul: hai tak ade balas pon. teruk ni... adu sakit kepale saye ni
6:08 PM Khairul: hai
6:14 PM Khairul: lacau cibai ciyau fak kiyu



HAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHHAHAHA.



Asshole loser! ;)

:(

He lost his soul to a woman so heartless.

S.I.

Know you have died
And your pain is the sign
You're alive, you're alive, you're alive, you're alive
You can still bleed
You can cry, you can need
You can shred your soul
You can rise when you fall

~Anonymous

One too many times before.

We all know the pain of a broken heart. How about the pain of a heartbreaker? Easily overlooked. Not because its not important. But because they dont even deserve to feel anything. They dont deserve the attention. They dont deserve to say they feel the same pain or more.


Because they are the ones who gave suffering. And now they should suffer alone.



How can you sleep knowing you'll go to hell?
You sleep without hope.
You sleep with acceptance.
You sleep preparing.

xoxo

Week 1

First week of Uni was a bitch. I am least bothered. Why am i there again? Oh yeah for the sake of a degree and to waste my dad's money. Wee. I think people think im weird. Because i walk alone and randomly sit next to people i dont know. I barely talk because i just dont feel like talking. And i never linger around campus. Straight home after class. The best part of university life is i get to wear shorts and walk home from campus. I am least interested.


But i cant deny i got a little bit excited when i went Tesco yesterday and bought my supplies :) Ring files! Test pad! Notebook! Pens! Weee. I have a weird fetish. I love notebooks. I love stationaries. I love gift boxes. I love cute wrapping paper :) Hee.



By the way has anyone watched Eclipse yet? :/ I waaaaaant to watch! Like sooo badly. Guys, lets goooo! Geeez. Dont watch without me ): And and and MTV WORLDSTAGE LIVE IN MALAYSIA. TOKIO HOTEL. :O Ahhhhhhhhhh. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck.


I NEED TICKETS. FUCK.


FUCK EVERYTHING.



xoxo

Jay Sean - Down (cover)

Jay Sean - Down (Cover)

By my friend, Wong Fu Wai :) Which i think is not bad at all! Enjoy!

xoxo

Over the weekend,

Spain won the world cup.
I missed Cheer 2010.
I started my first class in uni today - Atoms and Bonding.
And i realised something hugee.
Which im not telling here so :P


Right. Tomorrow will be a longer day.


xoxo

Whatever

Im starting to even talk like him.
If you dont know, it is bordering on an obsession
so insane, so crazy
that everything just revolves around you.
And Im doing my best to keep my feet on the ground.

Im wearing thin.



So yeah i registered myself today into the University of Nottingham Malaysia Campus. Course of study - Foundation in Science. Induction is tomorrow. Fuck this. I am NOT in the mood at all to start my studies. I am NOT in the mood to study about Atoms and Bonding. Wtf. WHY did i take science? Urghh.


Lectures start on Monday. And i'll be walking to school. Sigh. I feel sick even talking bout it.



10th & 11th July 2010 - CHEER 2010.

Its sad that X-plodetes arent competing. And its sad that i might not be able to go. MIGHT. sigh. Fuck this.




xoxo

Auf wiedersehen Germans ):

Spain 1 - Germany 0


Everyone is cursing Paul the octopus on facebook. HAHAHAHAHAHHA. Stupid match. Stupid game. Stupid goal. What were German defenders doing to even let Puyol wander around unmarked. And Puyol scored of all people. -.- Germans were playing like crap. Sigh.



Netherlands vs Spain in finals. Epic.
Im supporting Netherlands.
Because Huntelaar is cute :)
So is Wesley Sneijder :)
And David Villa just got lucky this season.


..l..


Im grieving )':
This world cup sucks. lol


xoxo

Bye bye Germany?

Just so you know, Spain will win tonight. And i will cry my eyes out ): NO its not because the stupid octopus has spoken. Personally that octopus needs to be in my sushi, but anyway yeah it'll be a Spain vs. Nederlands final. And if thats the case, im supporting Nederlands because i dislike spain for no particular reason :)


Registration for uni tomorrow. I. Dont. Want. To. Go. To. Uni. Arghhhhhhhhhhh.
Yeah, chastice me for being a little kid but i do need incentives on this one! *hint hint* *does the eyebrow thingy*

Bah. Nevermind )':


xoxo

The case of the inverted sperm due to underage sex.

..... Then the tail will penetrate the ovum. Instead of the head. The nucleus in the head is then guided to the end of the tail by active transportation with the use of the abundant mitochondrian available in the sperm. Once penetration is succeeded, the nucleus glides along the length of the sperm till the tail end and is pushed out into the ovum. Once that happens, the head wilts and disintegrates leaving the tail behind inside the ovum. When successful invertilization has occured, an upside foetus will slowly develop in the womb once the usual implantation has taken place. When the baby is born, you will find unusual characteristics such as the ass of the baby where the head should be and head at the bottom half of the body and mnay more other characteristics, some even born with wings. Such babies are born stillborn. With 100% of cases reported as so. This explains the lack of an alien like creature living on this planet. Scientists suspects creatures such as the chupacabras or the jersey devil is a form of an 'inverted' baby that has defied the odds and was born alive. But there isnt enough evidence to prove this yet. We hope more experiments done on children losing their virginity under the age of 14 will help give some answers. Therefore, if you're under the age of 14 help humanity by participating in underage sex. If you're a dumbass and believe what i just written, please go shoot yourself.




Thank you. xo


*disclaimer: i am not responsible for the increased rates of underage sex. i am also not responsible for the increased rates of suicidal pre-teens. This post is intended as a joke. Live with it.*


:)

Intellectual badass baby!

I need to reset my body clock because uni is starting soon. Sigh. Maximum - sleep at 3am. But world cup is not over yet. So again, whats the point of starting now? -.- No way im missing matches. Germany thrashed Argentina 4-0. Like wow. Fucking awesome. And now Germany vs Spain in semifinals. Im thinking, germany will go all the way :) Yayyyy! Hopefully. And whats up with that oracle octopus dude? Fake. Fake. Fake.




Shared pain is the worst pain. Neither one of you knows how to heal it.
Think about it.
xoxo

Truth is

Im going crazier day by day. And thats a very very good thing.

Weight, what?

I do not have an eating disorder. I think lol.

So i havent been eating a lot recently. And because of that i've lost weight (: All in all ive lost a little over 10 pounds this year compared to last year. Not bad. Pretty healthy weight loss right? Recently i dropped a little below 110 pounds. Not good. For a girl of 1.65m, give or take a few. But yeah. Im at my best shape for ballet, thats if i manage to maintain this weight and not lose or gain more. What with my Advance 1 exams coming up in 2 months. Shit. I am not ready. Anyway one bad thing with losing all these weight, i lost my back strength. Flexibility, yeah still there. But i dont have the strength anymore. ): Not like how i used to. I worked so hard for my posture. And now its getting weaker. I have to gain it back like fasttt. In time for exams! I have to wake up, get off my ass and start practicing. Once a week class just will not work. And maybe take vitamins. Urghh. Effort people, effort! Ahhhh

Yeah practice, practice, practice.

xoxo

On a saturday morning I am..

..in Mcd Kajang. Waiting for Embrys to finish her tuition class. Bored and sleepy. One hour plus of discontinuous sleep last night. Missing you. Oh and Ghana lost. Uruguay won. Penalty shootout. Niceee.

I swear i'll fall asleep on the table right here and now.
But then they'll steal my lappy.
Sigh.
Life is so hard :(
Wtf.


xx

Night owl?

I am supposed to be asleep. Since like 2 hours ago. But cant. So yeah here i am blogging :) Sooooo. Brazil lost. Defeated. Out of the world cup! O: And Netherlands are through to semi finals :) Hmmm. Ghana and Uruguay match going on now. But i was banned from watching by daddy. Because i got to wake up at 7.15am later. :/ But no point. My body clock is completely upside down now. So yeah i was thinking of sneaking downstairs since two hours ago. Im hungry :( Someone went off halfway before i was done so yeah still hungry. Anyways i think i hear him come up to his room. o.o Which means.. FIFA TIME :) and fooooood. RAWRR.


Meeting my girls tomorrow :) Atleast im meeting Embrys for sure. Maddie, not sure yet. And yes my dear bitch why do you have to move to Cheras? :( Kajang was HOME. We were all HOMIES. :'(


Okay that was lame. Dont think i'll be sleeping tonight.

xoxo

Step 1:

Inflict pain onto thyself, as you have inflicted upon others.



DO NOT try at home.
xx

Welcome reality.

Today i realised its hard to feel frightened about anything anymore.
Worry, yes. Sure.
But frightened, nah.
Why?
Because when i looked around
i realised the scariest and ugliest thing in the room


was me.



Just hideous. Welcome reality.
xx