HandshakesandHeartbreaksUK

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

:DDDDD

One of my favourite songs ever :) This guy is goooood!

Add him on myspace!

www.myspace.com/handshakesandheartbreaksuk

:))))

I have no idea what his name is :)

Cute and talented! *thumbs up* :D

I got accepted!

Your Application For Foundation in Science.



Thank you for your application to study at the University of Nottingham in Malaysia.

This is to inform you that your application for the above-mentioned programme has been successful and you have been offered an unconditional offer to pursue the programme in July 2010.



Yes people! I have been accepted :) Which means i have a little over a month to enjoy my current freedom before i have to hit the books once again. Boohoo :/ Why in the world did i apply for foundation in science.. Gosh. I must be crazy. I'll have to do chemistrryyyyyy. Wtf. *facepalms* Oh well. I guess its time to nerd it up! Oversized glasses, heavy book bags and sweat pants *thumbs up* Yeah i could definitely see myself in that :) Heh.



*Something entirely unrelated to the post above* Stupid stupid stupidddd meee. Arghh. Thats it, im putting it on LOUD mode. >:(



xoxo!

Musings

I've been doing lots of thinking recently. About what is the 'acceptable thing' to do and about what you truly believed in. 3 months back, i would barely recognise myself. Whether you like it or not thats not my problem honestly. At first i was all wound up. Forcing planets to merge even though its impossible. But i believed. And till now i still believe. Maybe one day it will be possible.


I wore my heart on my sleeve. Thinking honesty is the best solution. And that was my first mistake. Because i realised not everyone agrees with your honesty. And when that happens what then is your defense? For i have thrown everything on the line. All of my defenses. Stupid, stupid thing to do.


Its not like i wanna hide anything from any of you. But i know you wont understand. Or maybe you just didnt give yourself a chance to try to understand. And i know if i told everyone the truth, it'll scare the hell out of them. So i settle with being subtle. Obscure. Vague. So in that way im not really lying, but im not telling the whole truth either. Because some things, you just have to keep to yourself. Just myself. Until of course i choose to tell you. Lol.


I cant write everything here. Because most of it is just too personal. And easily misunderstood. But right now im very happy with where im at. I have finally found that balance :) And im working hard to keep it. But i have no complaints. None at all. Cuz you are worth every effort. All of you. I hope what ive written isnt too obvious. I was just venting really. Thats all.


And so my question for you dear readers is,

Would you lie if you know he or she wont ever accept your truth? When your lie is more acceptable than any truth? Would you lie because it is the best thing to do? Really.


Think about it before you judge me.



"There are 2 kinds of secrets: those we keep from others and the ones we hide from ourselves"

-Frank


:)


xoxo

So what's next?

Visions of love
clouding your eyes
You're desperate to be loved.
And i'll take my hat off for you
If you could find that special trust.
Visions of angels
you're convinced
is the kind that you will get.
But everything isn't what they may seem
but dont stop believing yet.
Dont stop believing yet.



So I've finished my RAD Grade 8 Ballet exam! :D Woots! Overall was okaaay i guess. But i messed up my Movement Libre Dramatique a bit. Stupid scarf. Oh well, its all over now. Cant do much bout it. The examiner was Ms Cynthia Too. She looks kinda edgy and she has this 'serious look' the whole time :/ Hmm anyway, my grade 8 dances were:


Entre Polonaise
Etude Lyrique
Valse Printemps
Movement Libre Dramatique
Mazurka du Salon
Finale Polonaise


So after like 4 months, its goodbye Grade 8! :) And I'll be taking Advance 1 in September. Shit. :O


Currently listening to:

Moneen - There are a million reasons for why this may not work and just one good one for why it will.



Ps: I removed my music player from my blog because it was getting very annoying. And i was too lazy to keep updating the songs in the player so i removed it :D Harap maklum y'all! LOL



xoxo

Staring into spaces that I'd never reach

You have no idea. You really have no clue at all. Not one.


3 days and counting.



---------------------------------------------



Tomorrow's my RAD Grade 8 ballet exam. Damn :O I am nervous! Good luck to everyone taking the exam! After this, no more graded exams! Weeee


We can do it people! :D


xoxo

Ballet Exam!

Grade 8 ballet leotard with my awesome exam group :)

11th May 2010, Tuesday, 2.55pm.

Wish us luck! :)

xoxo

You are the only exception.

My new favourite song to fall asleep at night :)

HYPED UP WHOOSH :D ARE YA ARE YA ARE YA?

STUPID BAAAALLLLLSSSSSSSS.



D:



http://apps.facebook.com/mindjolt/games/bouncing-balls





PLAAAAAAAYYYYYY! I WILL BEAT YOUR SCORE D:







Oooh oooh!





ARE YA IN THE MOOD? :DD ARE YA? ARE YAAA? \m/





YO. YO. YO. YO.




:D:D:D:D



Last night, i was so freakin hyper. Sugar rush on Revive Isotonic :D *thumbs up* And right now im drinking Pepsi! Woots! So im sorta still in hyper mode although i just woke up :D




Songs that you must must must must listen:



Hollywood Undead - Undead
Madina Lake - Welcome to Oblivion
Theory of a Deadman - Bad Girlfriend
Mudvayne - Happy
Five Finger Death Punch - The Bleeding



*headbangs*



Seriously, try Hollywood Undead songs. FUCKING AWESOME! I swear >:D



Ballet class!
xoxo

Just because.

Because i trust. Because i hope. Because i believe.
Because i cant promise. Because i cant justify my actions.
Because love has no limits and i am the biggest fool.
Because i know deep down i have and am lost.
Because there is a huge, no, every part of me
that doesnt want it to end.
Looking past all logic and common sense,
I thought to myself.
So be it.




I am strong. But everyone has a weakness. And my biggest weakness might just change everything. Question is, will i let it? That answer belongs to me only. I'd keep that to myself.


Anyway, hello hello! It was such a relief to have let everything out. I owe my girls a lot. Everything. And i love them to death :) And im so sorry for every hurt i gave you all. :( That will never happen again. I hope you'll find it deep down to forgive me. Not only them, but also everyone else. I know i have not been myself. That sucks aint it? But im getting better. And i'll be back in no time :)


And Ive learnt not to wear your heart on your sleeves.


I love you bitches,
xoxo

Bitch therapy

Today i went out with my girls (: We went for Seventeen Magazine casting at BluInc. PJ. After that we stopped and chilled at Starbucks inside Borders in The Gardens KL. It was nice really :) Had a good time. I missed them so much. Laughed like idiots, sang in the train like idiots and talked loudly like we owned the place. \m/


All in all, a great day :)



I'll be seeing my bitches tomorrow as well. They're coming over for a sleepover at my place! :) And we're planning to wake up at 5am to climb Broga Hill. Nissa is bringing her DSLR >:) Nyehehehehe. More camwhoring sessions then. Love it love it love it. Movie marathons, guitar hero sessions, and probably some priceless lesbian moments :D


\m/ woots!


Cant wait :)

xoxo

Quote

"My mind definitely had too much free time, and it was getting out of control. I fluctuated between anticipation so intense that it was very nearly pain, and an insidious fear that picked at my resolve. I had to keep reminding myself that I'd made my choice and I wasn't going back on it."

- Twilight, (251)

Pep talk.

I already gave myself a pep talk. I should have stopped this by now. *push everything aside, smiles brightly*


And i know I'll be okay
Though my skies are turning gray.

- Your Guardian Angel, The Red Jumpsuit Apparatus.



But I sorta dread tomorrow. Idk how its gonna turn out.


Anyway, im giving myself another pep talk today :) To prepare me for the night. Push away all other thoughts. But i cant erase the anxiousness i feel everytime :/ Perhaps i can subdue it for today? I doubt it. But thats not gonna be a problem. Right? *pep talking to myself* Lol.


*breaths in, breaths out, smiles*


:)



Im gonna get better at this.

xoxo

All time low.

My biggest weakness might just drive me insane.



And i thought they'd be more understanding than this. And i thought I'd be much stronger than this. Obviously i thought wrong.



I need to talk to you, but i dont want to hear what you've got to say. I already know it. I dont want to see your eyes judging me. What does it matter right? Because its you, it does. A lot.


xoxo

Rant. Rant. Rant.

Okay. So the weeks leading up to this very day i have kept quiet. Despaired on my own. But now, after receiving a text from Ariff Hilmy, i cant take it anymore.




Sylvia, im in 1 utama rite now. The stage looks big! :P






FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCKITY FUCK!






FARK.





D:





Tokio Hotel is in 1Utama, Malaysia. And i am not going for their concert. Tickets are like impossible to get. So i sadly gave up long ago. But now......




FARK FARK FARK FARK FARK LAH.





Ariff is at 1Utama now. He doesnt have tickets but apparently you can watch it from outside because its quite near the stage. I HATE HIM. >:( Im jealous as hell! I mean Tokio Hotel! ))): They were the reason why im soo obsessed with German. Why i bothered trying to learn German. Why i bought 2 German dictionaries. Why my MP3 player is set at German language mode. Why i printed out all their songs in German and spent hours deciphering the meaning of it and translating them to English. Why i have a German notebook to take down notes. Why i support Germany in the World Cup. ):





German is beautiful. Bill Kaulitz is beautiful. )':

They are so beautiful ):

ARGHHHH. AUOUQWYEOQYdDHIKEN(D&^(Q#*UMQROQJ#R)!)&@_(04-





!!!!





Sigh. =/ Chill. chill. chill. Relax. Breathe. *sucks in sucks out*


Im fine. Im good. Im not emo. Im happy for all those lucky bastards who got to see them. I am HAPPY :) Seeee!


But mom knows im very upset about it. So she took me to the salon to get our hair done today. Small consolation but thank you mommy that was very nice :) She got a perm. And i dyed my hair red and trimmed my fringe and back. How red is it? Definitely not like Allison Iraheta's bright red. Redder than all my feeble attempts on DYI home dye though. So im quite happy :)


See, im HAPPY.


=D

:D

=)

:)

=X

:/

D:

:(

:'(

T.T


Drama queen. Pft.


-Broke rule 3 times already so far. Im soo untrustable. Sigh.


And damn my digi.
xoxo

A little piece of random for you.

Today i weigh 110 pounds :)


Oh i just want to announce that out. Thats all. I lost weight :) Yay! I lost 10 pounds since finishing high school. So basically thats 10 pounds in erm. 5 months? Lol. If only i can grow 2 inches taller. :/


5'4 is still rather short.


And oh yeaah. What did i wanna post again? Damn weighing scale beside the computer table. Sidetracked me. Hmmm hmmm hmmm.


Yeah like that could fool you.


I miss my girls.
I miss You ):


And hopefully by this time tomorrow I'd have new hair :)


xoxo

Its okay. Im okay.

Love,
is the connection of hearts.
the union of 2 souls into one.
Love,
is beautiful.
More than the imagination.
Love,
overwrites everything else
until there is no flaw that you can see.
Love,
seemingly makes you go crazy, literally.
Or so the world says.


And what do i know about that four letter word? Not much, or maybe alot. I cant tell. And as i sit here writing this, fighting my demons & listening to The Red Jumpsuit Apparatus - Your Guardian Angel over and over again, i struggle to keep my composure. Because love as beautiful as it is, as happy as it makes me, is painful. Why? Not everybody feels this. I think only people with demons do. And by demons i mean black thoughts, fear. Yeah definitely fear.


And YOU made me realise something yesterday. Something that really hit home.



Im never alone and it isnt just about me anymore.




So when hard times have found you
And your fears surround you
Wrap my love around you
You're never alone.
Never alone, never alone.
I'll be in every beat of your heart
when you face the unknown.
Wherever you fly
this isnt goodbye
Cuz my love will follow you
stay with you
Baby, you're never alone.

-Lady Antebellum, Never Alone.



Sigh. I have much to learn. And every mistake i make, every disappointment you face only kills me more. You have no idea how masochistic i am. Yeah i guess thats the best word to describe my emo-ism. lol. Self-defeating personality disorder. Wtf here we go again. sighh.



And no, that is not an excuse for my behaviour.



I have lots more to write. But im getting late for ballet class. And Ive broken the rule again. (I wasnt supposed to blog) Ahh fuck it. I vow to keep my emoism to a minimal. Being emo benefits no one. Although at times i do enjoy it :/ Because of the pain. Urgh. I'd better shutup. You people think i need a hospital. LOL. Im perfectly fine thank you :)







xoxo

From the heart.

Been feeling really emotional lately. Every little thing makes me burst into tears. Yeah Nissa, i get what you mean about being a human hosepipe. The silly thing is i shouldnt cry. There's no reason. But i cry anyway. Over every little thing. Even today from when i woke up at 1pm to a beautiful text message till now, i cried like 3 times already. Lol. The other two when i was watching SYTYCD finale rerun on TV.



So touching. )':



Heck i watched Thunder by Boys Like Girls on Youtube not 3 mins ago and yeah i cried. So that makes 4 times already today. There's just something about the video that touches me somehow. How happy they were, how free. For me the climax was at the end, where they were all looking out from the roof of that building into the sunlight. Smiles on their faces. So beautiful. (': I cant help it. Im a very emo person. Im very sensitive to surrounding emotions.



Btw, Britney Spears' Im not a Girl, not yet a woman made me cry as well.


Yeah i know what you must be thinking. This girls a mess. Shitty. Get your act together loser. Emo cunt.


Whatever. I dont expect you to understand. Im blogging about this because i need to. Because you're right, im a mess. I need to get my act together. I dont think im allowed to blog right now due to my punishment (long story) which i thoroughly deserved; but since facebook is definitely not allowed, this is the only place i could turn to.


But thats not completely true either, i could turn to YOU. If you are reading this. But as you know im mute. Im not one who speaks out my emotions. If i suffer, i suffer inside. If i suffer, i suffer alone. Generally, I never let anyone peek over the wall i've built around myself. Because i dont want anyone to see me like this. No one needs to see me like this.




Can I trust you'll go away,
If im to say, im okay.
Just let me bleed on my own,
And I'll find my way home.

-Different Day, State of Shock.



But i wonder, maybe i have to change my ways. Maybe i need to let you in behind the wall i've built. But im scared. I'll be exposing myself. So vulnerable. No, im not scared of you. I think -and i've been thinking a lot about this- im afraid of the change. Emotionally. Physically. Because for years, I have accepted the fact that in this life, i may not fall in love. I may not get married, i may not have kids. So I never expect any of those things. I never even expect to get a good job, become successful or whatever. Lack of ambition you say? Maybe. I live for the present. I refuse to worry myself about future 'goals'. I mean some people have these goals like get a good job at 25, marry at 28, 3 kids by 32. Or whatever shit like that but i dont. For all i know, i might be living isolated from society. In a place by the hills somewhere all by my own. Silly? I dont think so. I live for myself. I dont give a fuck bout what society thinks of me.


Anywaaay, before i get even more sidetracked, back to the topic at hand. So yeah what do you do when you dont expect any bonus from life and suddenly here comes this amazing someone whom you just cant let go. And when i say amazing, i mean seriously, amazing. The most patient, selfless, loving, beautiful individual ever. -Though others would disagree with me based on their experiences- but yeah. Where suddenly everything is about him. Where suddenly for someone as sensitive as me, every little emotion is heightened. He made me see things differently. Awakened emotions i've never felt before but have seen and read a million times over and till now did not understand. -Okay sorry for the cheesyness- But its true.


What do you do when you feel as if you dont deserve that wonderful person. That somehow you think, 'God, i think you got the wrong address' but you will never have the strength to return him to the post office. Lol.


"Maybe it was just a very convincing dream that I'd confused with reality. That seemed more probable than that I really appealed to him on any level." - Bella, Twilight. (86)


So many questions running through my head. Some i dont even wanna know the answer to. And i could see the expressions on you guys' faces. You're crying because you're in love? Wtf? WHY. And to tell you the truth, i have no answer. Maybe its the realization that i COULD be and fall in love. That someone could ever love me that much. Someone as undeserving as me. Noo, shhh shut up. Its true.


Anyway, what was the purpose of this post you ask? I have no idea. I just felt like writing. And when i started the post, i was aiming for a totally different angle. Which by now i totally forgotten what it was. o_o I was caught up in my thoughts. What am i thinking? Nothing specific. A little bit of this and that. And the fact im eating Dominoes Pizza for dinner! Woots :D Okay that was totally uncalled for. And rude. =/ Im sorry. But my emofest has evaporated for the time being. Hey this really helps :) Therapeutic in fact. I apologize if you readers didnt understand a single shit about this post but thats not my problem.



Go suffer in silence :)



Lol. Im definitely feeling much better! So my closing statement?



"I decided as long as I was going to hell, I might as well do it thoroughly." -Edward, Twilight (87)


xoxo

Miss Scarlet Inian updated.

Exactly one month since my last post. You must forgive me, but im losing interest in blogging. Well i certainly do not want to delete this blog cuz Ive included loads of info in my previous posts that you readers might still find useful, debatable or whatever when you google them up. So yeah, i guess whenever i feel like it, I'll post up a ramble :) No more consistent blogging. Sigh. But oh! Thats not why im posting this.

http://misscarletinian.blogspot.com

READ READ READ.

Ive updated it! :)

xoxo!

Meaningful Lines 2#

I rumble, I stumble. My memory starts to crumble. I can't refuse what's haunting my dreams. Have I stumbled? On my way to a created perfection, I penetrate the gates of rejection.

-Rejection role, Soilwork.

Meaningful Lines 1#

A poetic genius, is something I don't see. Why would a genius be trippin on me? And he's looking at me now. Why he can't see is that I'm looking through his eyes. So many lies behind his eyes. And tell me stories from your past. Sing me songs you wrote before. I tell you this my Poison Prince, You'll soon be knocking on Heaven's door.

-Amy Macdonald, Poison Prince.

SPM 2009 RESULTS

Results are in! Im quite happy with my results. :) What Ive learned is to appreciate the results you got and stop comparing them with other people's. I mean whats the point? To make yourself feel like a lesser being? Definitely not. Im so proud with all my friends! Congratulations guys! :) Making it through the SPM exams itself is already a huge triumph! Love you all! :)


Bahasa Melayu - B+
English - A+
Modern Maths - A
Addmaths - A-
Pendidikan Moral - B+
Biology - B
Chemistry - B
Physics - A-
English for Science & Technology - A-
Sejarah - C+

1119 GCE - 1A

All in all not too bad eh? Kinda sad that my moral didnt get an A. =.= Ahh well. This is the best results i've gotten so far in any exam. :) So im thankful for that! And im ecstatic that my Addmaths & Physics got an A :D MUAHAHHHAHAHHAA. So anyways congratulations to all the Straight A people and everyone else! :)



xoxo

11 March 2010 is THE DAY :)

And so SPM results are coming out tomorrow morning 11 March 2010, 10am :) Im kinda excited actually! The nerves havent hit me yet. What is my aim? 5As out of 10 subs would make me happy enough :) So to all SPM 2009 candidates around Malaysia, GOOD LUCK!! :D And to all Smk Taman Jasmin 2 students & ex-students, I'll be seeing you tomorrow ;)




xoxo!

Mad2Max 2010 is here! :D

Mad2Max Hiphop Dance Competition 2010!

So whats this about you ask? :) Mad2Max is a hiphop dance competition open to all college students and non college students living in Malaysia! So form a dance crew and join now! :) There are 2 categories, Advanced and Beginner. Attractive prizes for the winners as well! Not to mention special performances by Cecelia Yong, SYTYCD Malaysia Season 2 Winner and the legendary Fellest Yan who is also one of the judges at the event! Participation fee for each dance crew is Rm100. And if you just want to show up and support ticket fees are Rm30 [VVIP] , Rm20 [Seated] and Rm 15 [freestanding]. Other details are as follows :-

Venue: Kuala Lumpur Dance Association (KLDA)

Date: 15th May 2010

Time: 5.30-10.30, 10.30- late night (dance floor open for jam session!!)

For more information pls contact:

Jeremy-0123041072 (jer_roky@hotmail.com)

Kit ying-0163431718(limkyeng91@yahoo.com)

Marcus-0172329012 (garthud@hotmail.com)

Leong-0162707833(leongshonghon@gmail.com)

Jason-0176330328(zippyourmouth@gmail.com)

Or Email to: mad2max2010@hotmail.com

Check out Mad2Max Official Blog for more updates!

http://m2m2010.blogspot.com

Also there will be a dance fair in-conjunction with the competition earlier that day. It is a hip hop dance fair that aims to promote hip hop as a healthy and exciting dance. Other than that, it also aims to reach out to the youngsters and the community and of course to promote Hip hop in environment other than clubs. There will be dance workshops, performances and lots more!!

And the best thing bout it is its FREE. Thats right people FREE :D So just put on your dancing gear and head on to KLDA for an insightful look into hiphop and for newbies, you can try it on for size. Dont lie, i know you're curious! :)



Hoping to see you there! ;)
xoxo

Exerpts from MissScarletInian.blogspot.com

Its just like me and you in foreverland.
But we all know this is bullshit.
We have ears that dont listen
and eyes that dont see.
We were clouded from the get go.
Cuz nothing lasts forever
and we're all gonna die one day.
So why dont we skip the useless years
and make this our final judgement day.

-Where did forever go? by Miss Scarlet Inian on the 22nd of February 2010


The angels sing their hearts out
but no one stops to listen.
Blood is pouring out now,
boasting sins and visions.
Visions of what we hope and want.
Dangerous with no cure.
Diseased and intoxicating,
it led me straight to you.

-Venomous Desires by Miss Scarlet Inian on the 22nd of February 2010


You need not pretend
that you dont care.
Cuz i can see
its eating you inside.
Laid out for all to see.
Your dirty blood,
its killing me.
Toxic and inflammable.
The castle is burning down.
As the world watched
their prince and princess
burn to the ground.

-Prince and Princess by Miss Scarlet Inian on the 10th of February 2010


Hey you.
Step back a second.
It seems ive seen
your face before.
Werent you the one
who broke me and
kicked me right out the door?
Hey you.
Dont walk away.
No, not just yet.
Hold on a second,
please take me back.
Ohh it seems too hard to please you.
Am i forever damned in hell?
Heart beating out of my chest
and it was you
who ripped me through.
It was always you.
Everything of mine was you.

-It was you by Miss Scarlet Inian on the 8th of February 2010



xoxo