Cheeeeer!

Seems like everyone's falling in love these days. Tsk tsk :)

You two know who you are *cough* :P

Anyway, yesterday i went for the CHARM CHEERLEADING CHAMPIONSHIPS, better known as C3 at 1Utama. Took public transport there with Madeline, *we looked so lost -.- but we got there in the end* (: It took us like 2 hours from the Kajang Ktm Station. Urghh. The performances were great! Awesome work from Blitzerz (they won the International Stunt Group Category), Rebels, Team Rainbow from Thailand (all boys team, definitely crowd favourites :P), Povedance from Philipines, team Awesome in the cheer dance category, Zenith (also in cheer dance category; that Malay dude with the blonde hair is hawt O:) and CHARM (team Malaysia).

Cheered for all the teams there although initially we went to support Blitzerz. Met up with Mr. Serge Norguard, blogger extraordinaire :P LOL and Nissa too after lunch break.

Oh and all three of us bought CHEER shorts (: Nyehehehehe.

I miss cheerleading soo badly ): Ariff called it my one and only boyfriend. HAHAHHAHA. And Embrys called me a babi hutan ): Ahh well. More pictures soon! Till next post (:

xoxo

Tiefer fallen

Feet fingers :)


hehehhehehe


You're sooo cute sometimes you know that?


Ich liebe dich :)
xoxo

Guitarrrrr! (:

This is my white Morrison guitar. Gift from mommy (: I love it! hehehe

Thanks mom! (:

xoxo

When you can be strong for me, it is only fair that I do the same for you. No matter how much i try to hide.

xoxo

Baby, I wanna fall in love with you again :)

Lets pretend baby,
That you've just met me.
And I've never seen you before.
I'll tell all my friends
That i think you're staring
and you say the same to yours.

And oh, we'll dance around it all night
And then I'll follow you outside
And try to open up my mouth
And nothing comes out right.

And I wanna fall in love with you again
I dont have to try
It's so easy
Who needs to pretend?
But because its so funny
Lets just think about it, honey
Lets just fall in love again.

I'll call you in three days
Not too soon and not too late
And I'll ask your roommate if you're home
You call me on Thursday
And we'll hang out all day
Then fall asleep on the phone.

And oh, I'll hold your hand when we drive
And we'll lose track of all the time
And we'll tell everyone
that we aint never felt so alive

And I wanna fall in love with you again
I dont have to try
Its so easy
Who needs to pretend?
But because its so funny
Lets just think about it, honey
Lets just fall in love again.

We'll fall disgustingly fast
And we'll stop hanging out with friends
And they'll be so offended.

And i wanna fall in love with you again
I dont have to try
Its so easy
Who needs to pretend?
But because its so funny
Lets just think about it, honey
Lets just fall in love again.
Lets just fall in love again.



:)



Jason Castro - Lets just fall in love again.


xoxo

Eighteeeeeeeen :)

Being eighteen definitely rocks! :) I can honestly, officially say that yesterday was the best birthday I've ever had. It was a roller coaster ride emotionally. I got to spend it with the people that i love the most. Thank you for the hundreds of wishes on facebook! And dozens of texts and face to face wishes. Most of all, thank YOU for calling. I really appreciated that. Although it went in a whole different direction than expected. But thank you! It still made my day like every single day. Thank you for putting up with me. And im sorry for ruining everything.


Anywaaaaay, I love you all :) Thank you for the presents! Thank you mom for the awesome WHITE Morrison acoustic guitar! ;) And thank you Embrys, Denissa, Madeline, Ashok, YanYang, FuWai and CheeZhao for celebrating with me :) hehehe.



And oh did you hear? I got my best friend back :)




Song of the moment: Goo Goo Dolls - Iris


And i'd give up forever to touch you
cuz i know that you feel me somehow
You're the closest to heaven that I'll ever be
And i dont want to go home right now.


xoxo

Hyperialism. I made that up heh :D

I am smiling from ear to ear and all around my head :D There are a number of reasons why i cant stop smiling but they are not for you to know :D I just cant stop smilingggg! im sooo happy! hehehehehhehe. Gosh i cant concentrate on anythinggg. Im sure Denissa and Embrys understands ;D HOR HOR? Hahahahahhaa. This 2 days i've been crazy! If im like this everyday then gone lah :D GONEEEE. Ahhhh i cant work like this! I cant do anythingggg except feed my fish in Fishville :D LOLOLOLOL. I named one of it Embrys :D But too bad i already sold you :D \m/ Woots!


HEHEHEHEHEHHE.


Lol no reason i just feel like laughing and giggling :D Ahhhhhhh! *rolls around on the bed* Weeeeeeeee! I feel like giving someone a veryyy biiigggg hugggg! :)))))


*rolls around some more*


Gosh im so hyperrr! Hahhahahaha. Okay okay stop it Sylvia! You're being very silly. But.... Who fucking caressss :DDDDD Nyehehehhehehehe! Okay okay enough for one post. My fish are dying. I have to go feed them. LOL. Such a LAME excuse :D \m/


2 more hours till im officially eighteen :) Legalismnity here i comeeee! :D *Okay i made up that word, dont bother googling that*


:D


I love you bitches, whores, gays and bastards!
xoxo

In 2 days

Its 2 days until i turn 18 and become officially LEGAL (: I cant believe im THAT old. And everyone knows i do not act like an eighteen year old should :/ Plus it sounds sooo old! But being eighteen isnt so bad i guess. I mean, I've gotten my license and all :D Okay okay I'll cut to the chase. The reason i posted this blog is because...


I GOT A NEW LAPTOP AND HANDPHONE FOR MY BIRTHDAY!


:D


:D


:D


Yes, im typing all this on my new lappy. Muahahhahaha. And i feel like telling the whole world :D Im sooo happy! hahhahaha. *laughs histerically*



YAYYYYYYY! :D



Now all thats left is for dad to get me a car :) Which he said he would :) For my birthday :) I just dont know when yet :) LOL. Im not fussy about getting a car. Just give me an auto that moves, brakes and reverses. Done. As long as it takes me places :) You can go maaaany places with a car! :) Like to college, dance classes, shopping malls, friends' place, grandma's place, uncle's place, YOUR place 0:) hehehe. Just, not a Kancil. Please. God, pleaseeee.



Okay smiley overload. Im waaaay too excited. Heh :D


*pause*
-Okay wtf. My dog is humping my leg. *facepalm* I guess she's waaay excited too :/ Yeah, she's FEMALE. *double facepalm*



Anyway, i wanna thank daddy for getting me this lappy! :)))) And also my grandma, uncle Keith and Aunt Jaymee for getting me my new PINK phone! :)))) Yes, you heard, i mean, READ right -PINK! :D Muahahahhaa. I loveee it! Thanks guys :)


-Okay now she's humping my other leg -_- WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU BITCH? I wish Embrys was here :/ She loves humping Embrys :)) hehehhe GOSH. WTF. GET OFFFFFFF D: DUDEEEEE. HELP IM BEING RAPED. LOL HAHAHHAHAA. WTF. SHE IS NOT STOPPING! LOLOLOL. I love that bitch :)



Weeeee! Goodnight peeps! :D
xoxo

Nobody pays any attention to post titles anyway :D

Today i sang my heart out with some awesome people :D Went for a much needed karaoke session with Embrys, Ashok, FuWai, YanYang, VinZhen, and CheeZhao. We went right after school time. So most of them were in their school uniforms and they didnt allow us in :/ hmph. So we hopped into VinZhen's and CheeZhao's cars and drove to FuWai's place where Ashok & Embrys borrowed shirts to change. And then FuWai accidentally locked himself out of his house -.- *facepalm* LOL. Anyway we had a good time :) 3 hours of 'singing' heh :D Yeah, 'singing'. Lol. We all know Embrys and I cant sing. Actually all of us sucked pretty badly except for FuWai who could sing every single song there is. From chinese, to malay to English, from rapping to those fucking high unreachable notes. *respect* :) Had lots of fun, laughed my ass off, blatant flirting going on with Yanyang & Embrys *tsk tsk* 0:) You two need to get a room! Anyway it was nice getting to know them a lil bit better. In fact, we should do this every week :D heh. Im kidding lah dudes. Unless you really want to? :D

xoxo

Details, details :)

Hello hello :)


So i just woke up. And im feeling AWESOME!
Better than ever :)
All because of YOU mostly :)

hehehe


Surprisingly, im looking forward to the future. For the first time, excited on what may or may not happen. Its not about expecting good things or whatever to come, im just simply excited. :D Like a wayward hot air balloon. LOL.


I feel happy.
I feel free.
I feel positive.


Best of all, I've never felt more like ME. *two thumbs up*

:D


Another thing im looking forward to, LATIN BALLROOM CLASS TONIGHT :D \m/ Woots! Seriously, i need a partner :/ Anyone interested? :D


Which reminds me. Shit i need to practise! I have been neglecting latin for 2 weeks now. Due to my ballet exams. I miss wearing my heels! :') Oh and i need to practise my guitar as well. All those chords :O Not to mention i have 2 pieces to practice and prepare for piano. And also prepare for my piano theory exam this September. Speaking of September, i have Advance 1 RAD ballet exam o_o And college starts in July. Plus latin ballroom exam this June. o_o Damn i really have lotsa stuff to do! But it seems I've been doing nothing as usual :/ Not practicing. Heh. *slaps self* YOU NEED TO CHANGE WOMAN.



*grabs bro's guitar*



Now excuse me while i headbang (: Rockon!


xoxo

"Truth is, everybody is going to hurt you; you just gotta find the ones worth suffering for" -Bob Marley.

The silence keeps it easy
keeps you safe for the moment.
As you're walking away
your footsteps get louder.
All you needed was time
and now time will destroy us.

It will all be over and here we are
we're stuck inside this salted earth together.
You'll pierce my lungs.
My limbs go numb
as my colours fade out.

You watch me bleed, you watch me bleed.


- Scary Kids Scaring Kids, You Watch Me Bleed.


I love that song :) heh.


Today i went out.
Today i saw the sun.
Today i dressed nicely.
Today i wore a bra.
Today i combed my hair.
Today i wore eyeliner.
Today i didnt talk to myself out loud.
Today i smiled.
Today i laughed.
Today i gave hugs.
Today i was happy.

Today i am better. :)


xoxo

Choices.

I want to write a lot of things. But i deleted everything. Why? Because i realised there's no point. Nobody is listening. Why am i still fighting for this then? Because everything was my fault? Because i should? But whatever i do now, wont make a difference. So why bother. Give up? Nahh. Not me. Not for something like this.

All i can do now, is move on. Whether you move on without me, or with me, by me, its entirely up to you. But the longer you take, the clearer the answer becomes. Right now, i just want to heal.

Nothing else i can say

These past days,

I've been upset.
I've been down.
I've been happy.
I've been trying to convince myself that its fine.
I've been letting myself feel better.
I've been beating myself up.
I've been letting myself heal.
Just to tear the wound open over and over again.
Just so i could feel the pain.

But after today. After everything...



I feel numb.
I am speechless.
I dont know what to say anymore.
I dont know what else i can do.


Perhaps i deserved it.
Do what you think is right.
Right for you.
I can only start doing my part from now.
I have tried. I am sorry.


I didnt expect this.
I am numb.

"You dont have to believe me, just trust me." -quote.

One day one of us will sit up and realise that all this shit aint worth it. That mistakes happen. That nobody is perfect. That real love and real friendship never dies. One day, someone will break the silence. To choose to sit in the uncomfortable truth rather than with pretended hope that things will go back to the way they used to. That things will be the same. Because they never will. If things are always the same, how do we grow? And when we grow, how can we not change to fit our growth? What do we do? We adjust. We appreciate. We move on with our lives. Those left behind have given us memories and experiences. Treasures in a way. If you have really loved, really seek and posessed true friendship, there are no regrets. The bitter feelings will end. And you will find yourself again. One day, you will learn forgiveness. Then everything will be alright again. Not the same, it never will be. But everything will be alright.



One day, i hope you find it in yourself to truly forgive me. And one day, i hope i could also learn to forgive you.



This post is not directed to any specific person. It is inspired from a number of events that have transpired lately. And i hope we will all be alright again.


xoxo

nur für dich

And i could tell you
His favourite colours' black and blue
He makes me forget about the world
Yeah its true
To me, he's beautiful
He has light brown eyes
And if you asked me if i love him
I'd never lie :)

- based on Taylor Swift's I'd Lie.

HandshakesandHeartbreaksUK

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

:DDDDD

One of my favourite songs ever :) This guy is goooood!

Add him on myspace!

www.myspace.com/handshakesandheartbreaksuk

:))))

I have no idea what his name is :)

Cute and talented! *thumbs up* :D

I got accepted!

Your Application For Foundation in Science.



Thank you for your application to study at the University of Nottingham in Malaysia.

This is to inform you that your application for the above-mentioned programme has been successful and you have been offered an unconditional offer to pursue the programme in July 2010.



Yes people! I have been accepted :) Which means i have a little over a month to enjoy my current freedom before i have to hit the books once again. Boohoo :/ Why in the world did i apply for foundation in science.. Gosh. I must be crazy. I'll have to do chemistrryyyyyy. Wtf. *facepalms* Oh well. I guess its time to nerd it up! Oversized glasses, heavy book bags and sweat pants *thumbs up* Yeah i could definitely see myself in that :) Heh.



*Something entirely unrelated to the post above* Stupid stupid stupidddd meee. Arghh. Thats it, im putting it on LOUD mode. >:(



xoxo!

Musings

I've been doing lots of thinking recently. About what is the 'acceptable thing' to do and about what you truly believed in. 3 months back, i would barely recognise myself. Whether you like it or not thats not my problem honestly. At first i was all wound up. Forcing planets to merge even though its impossible. But i believed. And till now i still believe. Maybe one day it will be possible.


I wore my heart on my sleeve. Thinking honesty is the best solution. And that was my first mistake. Because i realised not everyone agrees with your honesty. And when that happens what then is your defense? For i have thrown everything on the line. All of my defenses. Stupid, stupid thing to do.


Its not like i wanna hide anything from any of you. But i know you wont understand. Or maybe you just didnt give yourself a chance to try to understand. And i know if i told everyone the truth, it'll scare the hell out of them. So i settle with being subtle. Obscure. Vague. So in that way im not really lying, but im not telling the whole truth either. Because some things, you just have to keep to yourself. Just myself. Until of course i choose to tell you. Lol.


I cant write everything here. Because most of it is just too personal. And easily misunderstood. But right now im very happy with where im at. I have finally found that balance :) And im working hard to keep it. But i have no complaints. None at all. Cuz you are worth every effort. All of you. I hope what ive written isnt too obvious. I was just venting really. Thats all.


And so my question for you dear readers is,

Would you lie if you know he or she wont ever accept your truth? When your lie is more acceptable than any truth? Would you lie because it is the best thing to do? Really.


Think about it before you judge me.



"There are 2 kinds of secrets: those we keep from others and the ones we hide from ourselves"

-Frank


:)


xoxo

So what's next?

Visions of love
clouding your eyes
You're desperate to be loved.
And i'll take my hat off for you
If you could find that special trust.
Visions of angels
you're convinced
is the kind that you will get.
But everything isn't what they may seem
but dont stop believing yet.
Dont stop believing yet.



So I've finished my RAD Grade 8 Ballet exam! :D Woots! Overall was okaaay i guess. But i messed up my Movement Libre Dramatique a bit. Stupid scarf. Oh well, its all over now. Cant do much bout it. The examiner was Ms Cynthia Too. She looks kinda edgy and she has this 'serious look' the whole time :/ Hmm anyway, my grade 8 dances were:


Entre Polonaise
Etude Lyrique
Valse Printemps
Movement Libre Dramatique
Mazurka du Salon
Finale Polonaise


So after like 4 months, its goodbye Grade 8! :) And I'll be taking Advance 1 in September. Shit. :O


Currently listening to:

Moneen - There are a million reasons for why this may not work and just one good one for why it will.



Ps: I removed my music player from my blog because it was getting very annoying. And i was too lazy to keep updating the songs in the player so i removed it :D Harap maklum y'all! LOL



xoxo

Staring into spaces that I'd never reach

You have no idea. You really have no clue at all. Not one.


3 days and counting.



---------------------------------------------



Tomorrow's my RAD Grade 8 ballet exam. Damn :O I am nervous! Good luck to everyone taking the exam! After this, no more graded exams! Weeee


We can do it people! :D


xoxo

Ballet Exam!

Grade 8 ballet leotard with my awesome exam group :)

11th May 2010, Tuesday, 2.55pm.

Wish us luck! :)

xoxo

You are the only exception.

My new favourite song to fall asleep at night :)

HYPED UP WHOOSH :D ARE YA ARE YA ARE YA?

STUPID BAAAALLLLLSSSSSSSS.



D:



http://apps.facebook.com/mindjolt/games/bouncing-balls





PLAAAAAAAYYYYYY! I WILL BEAT YOUR SCORE D:







Oooh oooh!





ARE YA IN THE MOOD? :DD ARE YA? ARE YAAA? \m/





YO. YO. YO. YO.




:D:D:D:D



Last night, i was so freakin hyper. Sugar rush on Revive Isotonic :D *thumbs up* And right now im drinking Pepsi! Woots! So im sorta still in hyper mode although i just woke up :D




Songs that you must must must must listen:



Hollywood Undead - Undead
Madina Lake - Welcome to Oblivion
Theory of a Deadman - Bad Girlfriend
Mudvayne - Happy
Five Finger Death Punch - The Bleeding



*headbangs*



Seriously, try Hollywood Undead songs. FUCKING AWESOME! I swear >:D



Ballet class!
xoxo

Just because.

Because i trust. Because i hope. Because i believe.
Because i cant promise. Because i cant justify my actions.
Because love has no limits and i am the biggest fool.
Because i know deep down i have and am lost.
Because there is a huge, no, every part of me
that doesnt want it to end.
Looking past all logic and common sense,
I thought to myself.
So be it.




I am strong. But everyone has a weakness. And my biggest weakness might just change everything. Question is, will i let it? That answer belongs to me only. I'd keep that to myself.


Anyway, hello hello! It was such a relief to have let everything out. I owe my girls a lot. Everything. And i love them to death :) And im so sorry for every hurt i gave you all. :( That will never happen again. I hope you'll find it deep down to forgive me. Not only them, but also everyone else. I know i have not been myself. That sucks aint it? But im getting better. And i'll be back in no time :)


And Ive learnt not to wear your heart on your sleeves.


I love you bitches,
xoxo

Bitch therapy

Today i went out with my girls (: We went for Seventeen Magazine casting at BluInc. PJ. After that we stopped and chilled at Starbucks inside Borders in The Gardens KL. It was nice really :) Had a good time. I missed them so much. Laughed like idiots, sang in the train like idiots and talked loudly like we owned the place. \m/


All in all, a great day :)



I'll be seeing my bitches tomorrow as well. They're coming over for a sleepover at my place! :) And we're planning to wake up at 5am to climb Broga Hill. Nissa is bringing her DSLR >:) Nyehehehehe. More camwhoring sessions then. Love it love it love it. Movie marathons, guitar hero sessions, and probably some priceless lesbian moments :D


\m/ woots!


Cant wait :)

xoxo

Quote

"My mind definitely had too much free time, and it was getting out of control. I fluctuated between anticipation so intense that it was very nearly pain, and an insidious fear that picked at my resolve. I had to keep reminding myself that I'd made my choice and I wasn't going back on it."

- Twilight, (251)

Pep talk.

I already gave myself a pep talk. I should have stopped this by now. *push everything aside, smiles brightly*


And i know I'll be okay
Though my skies are turning gray.

- Your Guardian Angel, The Red Jumpsuit Apparatus.



But I sorta dread tomorrow. Idk how its gonna turn out.


Anyway, im giving myself another pep talk today :) To prepare me for the night. Push away all other thoughts. But i cant erase the anxiousness i feel everytime :/ Perhaps i can subdue it for today? I doubt it. But thats not gonna be a problem. Right? *pep talking to myself* Lol.


*breaths in, breaths out, smiles*


:)



Im gonna get better at this.

xoxo

All time low.

My biggest weakness might just drive me insane.



And i thought they'd be more understanding than this. And i thought I'd be much stronger than this. Obviously i thought wrong.



I need to talk to you, but i dont want to hear what you've got to say. I already know it. I dont want to see your eyes judging me. What does it matter right? Because its you, it does. A lot.


xoxo

Rant. Rant. Rant.

Okay. So the weeks leading up to this very day i have kept quiet. Despaired on my own. But now, after receiving a text from Ariff Hilmy, i cant take it anymore.




Sylvia, im in 1 utama rite now. The stage looks big! :P






FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCKITY FUCK!






FARK.





D:





Tokio Hotel is in 1Utama, Malaysia. And i am not going for their concert. Tickets are like impossible to get. So i sadly gave up long ago. But now......




FARK FARK FARK FARK FARK LAH.





Ariff is at 1Utama now. He doesnt have tickets but apparently you can watch it from outside because its quite near the stage. I HATE HIM. >:( Im jealous as hell! I mean Tokio Hotel! ))): They were the reason why im soo obsessed with German. Why i bothered trying to learn German. Why i bought 2 German dictionaries. Why my MP3 player is set at German language mode. Why i printed out all their songs in German and spent hours deciphering the meaning of it and translating them to English. Why i have a German notebook to take down notes. Why i support Germany in the World Cup. ):





German is beautiful. Bill Kaulitz is beautiful. )':

They are so beautiful ):

ARGHHHH. AUOUQWYEOQYdDHIKEN(D&^(Q#*UMQROQJ#R)!)&@_(04-





!!!!





Sigh. =/ Chill. chill. chill. Relax. Breathe. *sucks in sucks out*


Im fine. Im good. Im not emo. Im happy for all those lucky bastards who got to see them. I am HAPPY :) Seeee!


But mom knows im very upset about it. So she took me to the salon to get our hair done today. Small consolation but thank you mommy that was very nice :) She got a perm. And i dyed my hair red and trimmed my fringe and back. How red is it? Definitely not like Allison Iraheta's bright red. Redder than all my feeble attempts on DYI home dye though. So im quite happy :)


See, im HAPPY.


=D

:D

=)

:)

=X

:/

D:

:(

:'(

T.T


Drama queen. Pft.


-Broke rule 3 times already so far. Im soo untrustable. Sigh.


And damn my digi.
xoxo